The book that was never mine

I was in Class 9 then. Very early at the beginning of the academic session, we had our annual prize-distribution ceremony for the previous year. Due to some mix-up, the person who had won the English recitation competition wasn't present that day in school and my name was printed instead on the cover paper. I had participated in that event, but I knew that I hadn't won the prize. Therefore, during the ceremony when my name was announced, I was so surprised! I ran a thousand theories through my mind as I went up to the podium to collect the book: "Did they tally the points later and find me to be the winner?", or "Maybe they ordered a special prize for me?". However, those thoughts didn't last so long in my head. I ran up to the podium, bowed and took the prize all shining and bright, and then returned to my seat in the audience all gleeful. Friends beside me slapped my back, a few people mouthed "Congrats" from afar, and one girl even shook my hand! I was having a very bright day of my life!!

I came back to my seat, and looked at the cover. I deftly cleaned a little speck of dirt on the cover, and watched with pride as the plastic cover on the book shone in the sunlight. I gently brought it up to my nose and smelt the book --- aah the smell of new books! I noticed the small card inside the wrapping, that said my name on it: "First Prize in English Recitation". I was so glad: "Mom would be so proud when I reach home and show this to her", I thought! I looked at the title of the book, "My Master as I saw Him", by Sister Nivedita. "Hmm... ", I thought, "maybe I will read it sometime: but it will definitely be something worth showing off on the bookshelf!".

However, the doubt in my head kept nagging me. And it didn't help matters that a friend of mine who was just a row behind me asked, "Didn't ____ win the prize? How come they gave it to you?". I didn't know: I shrugged it off. All through the rest of the presentation, I clung on to the book and kept it close to my heart. I clapped with double the glee whenever someone went up to get any prize --- I wished everyone had clapped like that when I went up for the prize.

Soon afterwards, we were back in the classroom for the second half of the day. I had forgot all about the book until the headmaster's peon came in with a little chit in his hand and gave it to the teacher. My name was called out, and all eyes turned to me. I was suddenly so self-conscious... being on stage was a different thing, but this was creepy. The peon came up to me, and asked for the book. For a second I feigned as if I didn't know what he meant. But there was no escape --- "You didn't win the prize, did you?", he asked, with the whole class listening, and held out his palm. Very slowly, my face turning all red, I reached into my bag and fished the book out. It seemed a little too heavy then: but I just gave it up and sat down with a sigh.

Oh, the eyes of my friends did not seem to leave me in the class. Whatever the teacher was saying, I couldn't concentrate any longer. Every single second I was conscious of some eyes from some corner of the classroom looking at me, as though asking what I had been sneaking up to. I felt as if I had stolen something and had just been convicted. And there was the dread, of what everyone will tell me right after the class, during the break. I sat uneasy and dejected, waiting for the class to get over. And it did get over after sometime. Most people had not turned up for the recitation competition itself: it was on some holiday and some had opted to stay at home rather than listen to recitations. And then now they had, within the span of a couple of hours, found that I had both won and not won something. Thankfully, they understood. Friends came up and told that it was surprising to see that the school had committed such a mistake; someone also commented that they should have let me keep the book. And the cordial way in which people actually sympathised with me made up for all the hollowness of the lost prize. At the end of the day, I thought, the book was never mine.