What I've realized

When you're infatuated with someone, any reason is good enough to believe that you've found the love of your life. And then, again, everything seems obvious in retrospect. What I need, though, is a method by which I can introspect while I am in the middle of it. Was it introspection that made me see through the whole facade in this new, within quotes, "relationship"? I don't think so. It had been blaring obvious the whole time --- only I have been blind enough not to notice it. What the fuck was I thinking?

This one had to be the shortest "relationship" ever. And yes, among the best things I've realised, thanks to you, is that beauty and brains do not always go together. Or at least what I define to be brains. Yes, I've thought about it and it is true: being the understanding guy doesn't help. To be the guy who you can come and talk to about your past relationship, about your joys and sorrows... no, that isn't the way. You thought I was weak, didn't you? Because I agreed to what you said during these three days? Yes of course... how can I be a boyfriend if I don't veto your every decision and impose my way of life on you? Maybe I wasn't man enough for you: thats what you thought because I understood that there will always be ex-es and old flames, and that we should accept them as a part of life. I know, I know... that just doesn't work. You need a jealous, abusive boyfriend: that is exactly what you expect. Therefore, even though I don't mean any insinuations for whatever, I must see your screaming and offended face. You are right --- screaming is the answer. Quiet mature dealings: naah, they're old-fashioned.

Oh what a fool I've been to deal with you with patience and compassion! You never deserved them! How is it that we all like to think of alien invaders and super-powerful knights and heroes? Because you want to be enslaved: because the idea thrills you that you will be a footrug. Trust me, that is precisely what you'll get from now on. A jealous, abusive person: someone who can sweet-talk you in any way to get into your pants. And then somehow I will find a way to get rid of you. All the stories of such spoilt kids is true: and I will become one of those. I will abuse you, maybe even slap you once in a while. That will show you your position... sounds like fun, doesn't it? An equal footing, did you say? No... you will never get it: you just don't deserve it. What you deserve is a liar, a cut-throat and a perfect deceiver. You deserve to be ditched, to be abandoned when the juices have been plumped out. That is precisely what you're good for, bitch!