Insecure

I have a lot of friends. Some of them are guys, some others are girls. And I bond easily with almost anybody: be it a guy or a girl. I share a laugh, but also share their griefs. At any time, when you're down, you can come and talk to me. I have noticed that to 'be there' for someone, you don't really need to say much while you're by their side or on the phone or even on some chat/google talk call. All you need to do is to listen: everyone is happy when they find a place where they can unburden themselves. Most of the time, I can play that perfect listener, occasionally offering my opinion. And that brings me close to a lot of people.

The other day, one of my friends accidentally let slip that she has had a few arguments with her boyfriend over me being present in her life. I was very surprised... and although she quickly hushed the matter up, I reminisced that this isn't so new. One of my "muh-boli" sisters who was about to get married last November too had to do a lot of explaining to her husband after she had joked to him that I was her 'boyfriend'. So when this friend of mine revealed that her boyfriend had been very angry over me and all that, I was silent for a while. I started thinking of all the moments we had shared, and a lot of other things. After a while in my silence she became panicky: kept mentioning that she shouldn't have told me this, was scared of me getting to meet her boyfriend sometime and all that. I forced myself out of the reverie and began talking to her again... I postponed the train of thought for later calmer analysis.

I tend to get caught in these little quagmires. I can't help it --- I just somehow land up in these. I am just average looking, and am good company. I can make you laugh even when you're down, and am usually fun to be around with wherever you are. But it is my nature, and I can't help it! And neither do I want to help it. When I'm with friends, sometimes the couples are also there. When I crack a joke that makes the girl laugh, I can almost sense the guarded smile from the guy. One day we were playing cards and I managed to trump everyone else: somehow the atmosphere just tensed up after that. What can I do about it? I am not trying to prove myself superior --- for God's sake it was just a game!

The funny part is that I understand these guys' insecurities. Any guy too friendly with my own girlfriend, whenever I have one next, is bound to ruffle my feathers. I'm a guy, and I know how I think, and I'm sure thats how almost any guy thinks. The basic survival instinct, the basic competitive instinct is bound to be there: and I think from this stems the insecurity. No matter what my friend does and/or tries to do or say to convince him, only time can assure him of the limits of my presence in her life. I wish I could somehow go up to these guys inside their heads and tell them, "Dude, I'm not trying to steal your girlfriend!".